A friend for mine in China saw an ad of me in an in-flight magazine.  From her description, it might be this image. If anyone out there comes across it, please  LMK.

Here’s  my funny autobiographical episodes, as recounted on my lastest rant for  AgentGenius Magazine Humorous real estate tales that you just can’t make up

Call it scoping out the competition or call it being nosy, but I am always interested in hearing about people’s experiences with other realtors. This weekend I got an earful!

An out of town couple flew into town who were on the hunt for a vacation home up to $1M in my neck of the woods.  Unbeknownst to me, they actually had visited many states and cities this summer, each area with a different realtor.  Whereas most buyers stick with one agent over the course of their search and have limited comparison, this couple got to interact with a plethora of agents in a short period of time.  And I couldn’t believe some of the things that happened to them. They had me in stitches!

Act one: “Don’t tell me. You’re the Milburns.”

One agent in La Jolla, CA called them to say he was going to be a bit tardy for their first showing and to not worry because he was on his way.  My clients took the extra time to drive around the complex and check out the amenities. But as they returned to the parking lot, a car blazes into the lot, rounds the corner and accidentally rams into my clients’ rental car.

The driver gets out of his car and sheepishly says, “Don’t tell me. You’re the Milburns.” After they spend the next 2 hours sorting out the insurance and accident claims, he says “So, let’s continue our tour” (?!)

Act two: “Well there is one thing…”

After that fiasco, an agent in Incline Village, Nevada showed them a townhouse that was his own listing. After spending a while at the property, they went to the agents office to discuss a possible offer.  Being an attorney, my client asked the agent if there was anything else to know about the property, since the agent was acting as a dual agent and had information about the seller.

The agent said, “Well there is one thing. The owner died in the master bedroom.”  “Oh, in his sleep?” they inquired.  “No. His wife murdered him. But don’t worry, she is now institutionalized.” They passed on this property (and agent).

Act three: “Um, who are you?”

A week later, my clients were finishing up a tour with an agent in Laguna Beach, CA, who frankly didn’t show them anything that matched their needs. Maybe in an attempt to redeem himself, he said he had driven by an open house earlier that would be a good fit for them.

So, they arrive and the open house is jam packed. The couple swoon over the house’s architecture, layout and upgrades. They had never seen an open house with such decadent catering and elegantly dressed buyers.  They give their agent thumbs up, “Good job! This might be the one!” As they are piling caviar onto their plates and sipping champagne, a woman who presumably was the listing agent, all of a sudden approaches them. They gush “This is a lovely home. Please tell the seller we are very impressed,”  to which she responds “Um, who are you?”

“We’re here for the open house,” explained the couple .  “This is indeed an open house…. for my friends and family. I am the new owner.” Embarrassed beyond belief, they put down their plates & slithered out.

You can’t make this stuff up!

My clients said each time they went out with a new agent, they felt like they was on a sitcom.  Lucky for me, my tour with her was nowhere near as comedic (although I was holding my breath for something hilarious to happen…no such luck).

Please share any blundering stories you or your fellow agents have experienced with clients.  We all need a good laugh!

Here is my 2nd article for Agent Genius.  Enjoy!

Lured by a national real estate frenzy , people flocked to get their real estate licenses during the boom. Our industry was flooded with part-timers, moonlighters and straight up amateurs chasing quick commissions and fast deals.

You could throw an ashtray on the market and it would command multiple offers! But then, as we all painfully know, the market imploded on itself. Without the promise of easy money, these agents deserted the business as fast as they joined….which leaves the rest of us. Why do we stay?

Let’s be honest. Behind the glitz and glam of the business, being a real estate agent is often an endless string of heartbreak & disappointment. The vast array of things we put up with, all in the hopes of even snagging one deal, never ceases to astound me. Doing shift after shift of floor time hoping for that mythical walk-in buyer, cutting down a small rain forest to blanket your ’hood with postcards, thrusting your business card any chance you get at friends, families, strangers, frenemies, begging to host an open house (“No really! I’m more than just a warm body!”) where you’re lucky to even get some nosy neighbors, spending a disproportionate number of hours blogging, tweeting, facebooking, hoping to god someone out there mistakes your stabs at social media as bonafide real estate experience. We spin our wheels & jump through hoops without any proof there is a pay off.

The roller coaster of uncertainty

Let’s say the real estate gods smile upon you & toss you a lead. Well, the roller coaster of uncertainty doesn’t stop there. You grow a new set of gray hairs fretting about agents poaching your client, buyers getting burned out after you spend every weekend for 6 months shopping, out of town appraisers coming in under value & blowing your deal, overly picky home inspectors taking out their frustrated contractor dreams out on your house, skittish buyers backing out over (fill in the blank), a revolving door of inaccessible asset managers who lose your file & don‘t seem to care, loan agents informing you “Loan Denied!” right before a signing…That’s just scratching the surface! And this is all before you’ve even been paid a darn cent!

More than any professional career, there are absolutely no guarantees in the real estate game. And yet, we remain. We plug along, eeking out a living. If it were only about money, we would have bailed long ago with the aforementioned fair-weathered agents after the market crashed. There must be more to it than moola.

Why do we do it?

Why do we endure such pain & agony for this tumultuous job? I believe all us agents have a streak of masochism. No one put a gun to our head and forced us to choose this life. We can walk away anytime as independent contractors. So why do we soldier on in the face of such discouraging odds? What is the allure? Autonomy? Helping others? Thrill of the deal? Insanity? Please share your reasons on why you are still a Realtor!

I’m writing for Agent Genius Magazine now!  The lovely folks at Agent Genius are, for some reason unbeknownst to me,  allowing me to pontificate about all things real estate for their readers.  I suppose I will finally be able to put to use that liberal arts degree I got from UC Berkeley….which has been collecting dust frankly for the past 10 years.

Check it out. It’s yet another way to keep up with my hilarious helpful real estate commentary!  My first article is called:

“For Every Ugly Buyer, There’s an Ugly House!”

 Some realtors think they are too good for a listing. They may feel it does not fit their clientele, or it doesn’t reinforce their brand. Believe it or not, some agents try very hard to live up to their reputation of being purveyors of properties and arbiters of taste. Well, that ain’t me.

Case in point.

After landing a listing, out of curiosity, I asked what made them pick me over the other agents. I thought they were going to say it was because I was a top producer with a UC Berkeley degree under my belt, or because I could speak Chinese to the sellers who spoke little English, or at least because I looked amazing in a suit. But no! They said, “You were the only agent who didn’t run away”

Truth be told, their house was never going to be featured on Million Dollar Listing.  That’s putting it kindly. It was a small dilapidated 2bd 1ba straight of the 1960′s. The sellers clearly didn’t want  to leave that decade. The house was painted turquoise paint with sea green trim, had awnings that screamed “retirement home” , and inside was cobalt blue carpeting and floral wallpaper.

But worse of all, next door was a dubious night club, that attracted ruffians all hours of the day & night.  No wonder some agents wouldn’t touch this with a 10 ft pole. Not only was it going to be a really hard sale and very little earnings, but you didn’t know if you were going to  get mugged at the open house (I made a mental note: pick up a can of mace on the way home).  Nevertheless, I took the house on to assist out these nice folks. My rationale: “For every ugly house, there’s an ugly buyer.”

Low and behold, in less than two weeks, an offer appeared! Two lesbians snapped up the property. Now, I’m not saying lesbians are ugly (I actually never met them in person, so I can’t tell you for sure), but I am saying that it’s a good thing I didn’t think the property/sellers were beneath me. Why? They immediately bought their next house from me, and also referred their son to me. All cash deals! Who knew! I’ll take an ugly house or ugly buyer any day!